There are plenty of ways to spend your first date: coffee houses, movie theatres, ice skating, sneering at small children… and, of course, the classic dinner date. Dinner is a pretty safe bet; unless your guy is on a seriously unpleasant diet, everybody loves to eat food. And it’s a great mix of being able to converse without having huge, awkward silences. If you’re being silent, just stuff your mouth with food! It’s great as both a distraction and a conversation piece. That being said, it’s not like you can walk into a dinner date and wing your choice of food. That’s never a good idea. As awesome as the dinner date scenario can be, full-on awkwardness can ensue if you order certain foods.
The long and short of it is you eat these meaty trophies with your hands. They’re a guaranteed mess that will not only coat your very being in barbeque sauce, but also leave your fingers smelling like dead animal for the rest of the night. Your nails get tinged a brownish red and no amount of washing will take it out. Also, just watching someone rip flesh off bone with their bare teeth usually isn’t the most arousing of sights. In fact, it tends to be quite the opposite. There’s sexual ravishing and then there’s, you know, murder.
As much as we all love Mexican food, it’s far from the best choice to eat while impressing your new beau. Dishes such as tacos and burritos are sloppers, meaning they’re going to, well, slop all over. Your hands, your face, your plate…it’ll be a massacre of rice and beans. And speaking of beans, the old rhyme is most certainly true. Don’t go eating things that may require you to relieve your intestinal agony in the very near future.
These are the slurpers. There’s pretty much no way you can eat soup or long noodle spaghetti without looking and sounding like you’re still in a highchair. With soup, it’ll likely slosh down your chin at one point or another; with spaghetti, you’ll definitely have part of it hanging out of your mouth. Sauce all over your face, broth all over your lips, and you manically rubbing your mouth with your napkin every five seconds. It’s just not a pretty sight.
Leafy Greens/Corn on the Cob
Vegetables are great. Go, vegetables, go! But corn on the cob and any sort of leafy green needs to be left in the restaurant’s kitchen. Why? These suckers can stick in your teeth something fierce, and it’s not like you can make sliding your nail against your gum line look cool. Problem number one is that chewed food being visible to your date, problem number two is that your guy can’t see it, but the feeling of it stuck there is driving you batty. And the absolute last thing you want is that little particle finally dislodging in the middle of making out.
Ahh… fooled you, right? You’d think this would be a good choice, what with impressing your date with your wallet and all. But here’s the thing: Aside from whipping out a wad of cash rarely working these days anyway, lobster is simply unpleasant to watch someone eat. Butter drips all over, shards of carcass fly everywhere, and you’re stuck with fish juice breath afterwards. Also, eating lobster requires you to wear a bib. Just avoid this cockroach of the sea altogether.