People have such a hang-up about fetishes. Or, at least, we do on the surface. We write articles obsessing over whether or not fetishes are “ethical.” We sneer, we poke fun, we pretend like we find certain acts so repulsive or ridiculous that they’re allowed to be chastised.
Forget that. If what (and who) you’re doing is in private and with consenting adults, then it really doesn’t matter what’s going on. As long as your fetish isn’t causing psychological distress or negatively affecting your non-sexual life, then you’re golden. You’re not depraved or sick or going to Hell. Rather, when looked at positively, fetishes can help you see what a cool person you are.
(Disclaimer: I’m not Freud. I don’t even come close. But I can come…and that makes me enough of an expert.)
Submission: BDSM, Consensual Voyeurism, Humiliation, Etc.
You take on too much responsibility in your life and you want a well-deserved break. What better way than to lay back and let the orgasms flow? You like to feel the trust and closeness you have with your present partner(s) in these acts, asserting the safety words, rules, and itinerary ahead of time before feeling secure that they will respect you enough to follow orders. It’s a nice reminder, isn’t it? You can lose control without actually giving up control. It’s safe.
Dominance: BDSM, Etc.
You’re tired of being pushed around or feeling overwhelmed in your everyday life. There’s always war and famine and disease and hate and that just plain makes you feel bad. The bedroom is one of the only places you have left to feel some power or otherwise be in control of your happiness. The interesting thing is you’re not really in control. Your sub is. (See above.) So it’s a safe, secure way to exercise dominance in your world without having to actually worry about the guesswork.
(If you’re looking to start as a dom, check out this site on the RIGHT ways to do it. Don’t go reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.” That stuff’s bull. And just plain poorly written.)
Consensual Voyeurism (Dominant)
Perhaps you’ve watched too much stylized porn. Perhaps you roll your eyes when your friends puff up their sexual escapades. Regardless, you like the real deal and want to feel like you’re getting it, whether by watching someone undress or sitting to the side during an orgy. You’re all about celebrating naturalness. (I hope it goes without saying that you should NEVER plant recording devices in private establishments or otherwise watch people in private settings without their knowledge or consent. Doing so is illegal and will land you in prison. And if you do it to me, I’ll break your face.)
Bodies Against the Grain: Transgender People, Little People, Etc.
You’re bored with the everyday. As varied as people’s bodies are, you’ve begun to see most of them as a dime a dozen. You instead want to be with someone unique, someone beautiful, someone who makes you feel like sex is a brand new experience all over again. And perhaps you also have an attraction to their chutzpah, to the hardships they have (and sometimes have to continue to) overcome simply by being themselves. Confidence is sexy, after all.
What does yours say about you?