Oh, drama. Where would we be without you? Shakespeare seemed to handle it pretty well, but this is, you know, a few hundred years later. And not fiction. You’re in the real world with a real relationship, and the less drama you have, the better off you’ll be emotionally. Maintaining a drama-free relationship can seem easy to some people, but difficult to others. It’ll depend on how you were raised to see healthy versus unhealthy relationships. But at least give these suggestions a good try. You owe yourself that much.
Don’t go into any serious relationship half-way, ho-hummed, or otherwise convinced you can change the other person. You will not be able to change the other person in any major way. Hate his love for the Marvel universe? You’re out of luck. Want him to stop leaving the cap off the toothpaste? You might have a chance. Might. But don’t go in with such conditions for change and the belief that they’ll happen. If you’re not happy with the guy now, then stop things immediately. You’ll only make yourselves miserable: you for him not changing to your preferences, him for you always harping on him. Who wants to hear the person they’re closest to constantly putting them down?
It’s true what they say about not keeping things bottled up. They will fester inside you until, one day, you completely explode at your lover about someone else entirely. He’ll be confused, you’ll be confused, and everybody will start crying. Who wants that? If the toothpaste thing truly bothers you, bring it up. Politely. Explain why it causes you such a problem and ask him to consider putting the cap back on when he’s done brushing his teeth. If you two are willing and capable of speaking like mature adults, this shouldn’t result in some sort of tiff, even if you end up not agreeing.
With two people involved, there are then two sides to the situation. You hate the toothpaste cap being left off because you’re Virgo and need everything in a proper order at all times. He leaves the cap off because he’s artsy and just that absent-minded. Neither of you is wrong and neither of you is right, though you probably both sound a little ridiculous to the other person. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is you not only talk to each other, but listen to each other. As in registering and respecting what the other person saying as well as simply hearing it.
Recognize That Some Disagreements Will Happen
Spats are normal, healthy, and just plain unavoidable. Beware the couple that says they never disagree. They’re either kidding themselves or pod people. The plain fact is that you’re two different people, making the occasional fight inevitable. The important thing is how you handle those disagreements. The above suggestions for communicating and listening are the best ways to weather these storms, but just accepting the general fact that fights will happen can help keep you from thinking that your romantic world is falling apart over something silly.
Learn to Admit When Your Relationship is Just Plain Unhealthy
As healthy as fighting can be, there’s also that invisible quantity that turns a relationship into just plain awful. If you and your loved one fight almost daily, over the same things, and/or never come to resolutions outside of a meek apology and passionate make-up sex, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. Fighting is meant as a way to purge toxic emotions and encourage resolution, not fuel fires and create more conflict. If the latter sounds like you, it’s time to come to terms with reality. You two aren’t capable of being healthy together. You both need to move on.