This post is a great pairing for “How to Date a Bi Guy.” The trans and bi identities are overlapped in many ways, which is probably why they’ve become such good allies for one another. While one is about gender expression and the other is about sexual orientation, both are largely treated like crap by the straight, gay, and queer communities. Bi and trans people are seen as upholding binaries, yet treading in too many identities at once; trying to live as they are, but apparently what they are isn’t good enough. Quite frankly, such beliefs are made by people who don’t know a thing. And by not knowing a thing, they’re missing out on some of the most awesome, attractive people on the planet. If you’re someone who’d like to stop missing out, here are some tips on how to date a trans guy.
Note: Because trans guys are such a varied category these days, the bulk of this list is focused on transsexual men or those who engage in hormones and/or surgery and prefer male pronouns. This list is not the be-all for trans dating.
Don’t ask stupid questions
The list here is unfortunately long, including, but not limited to asking him what his “real” or birth name was, what he used to look like “as a girl,” if he’d be willing to show you his junk in the restroom, or requesting a photo of him naked so you can “decide.” This guy doesn’t exist to bend to your every whim. He does not need to bow down at your feet in thanks that you wanted a date with him at all. The fact is there are tons of other guys out there who would snatch him up in a heartbeat. And he won’t hesitate to find them if you’re being a douche.
The Google machine is your friend
Take an hour out of your life to educate yourself on the basics of transgender etiquette. Many trans people online are more than happy to help you in these matters; so much so, that there’s a wealth of great information out there. All you have to do is look. If you want to make a good first impression, take a little time to education yourself before you go on that first date with him.
Don’t ask about his genitals
Seriously. What’s going on down there is nobody’s business other than his, his doctor’s, and whoever really wants to mash their face between his legs. And if that last person is you, politely bring up the topic. First tell him your desire for playtime, then start asking questions about his desires, his body, and his boundaries. Assuming his response to you is favorable to begin with.
Don’t freak out
If this is your first time with a trans guy (in any sense of the term), just chill out. Genitals don’t equate gender and your oh-so-proud gay orientation isn’t going to be compromised because you’ve slept with him, made out with him, or find him attractive. You’re attracted to him because he’s a guy. You like guys. It’s really not rocket science, dear.