Forgive me for sounding cliché a moment, but I believe Mr.Right is out there for you. I don’t even know who you are and I know it’s true. Do I have a sunshiny disposition in life? Am I the reincarnation of Pollyanna? Nah, I just know probability. If you’re someone with realistic relationship standards and a drive to find the guy, you’ll find him. There are too many men in the world for that to not be true. Nobody’s that pathetic.
But it’s possible that you haven’t found Mr. Right yet because you’re going about it all wrong. Probability can’t help you if you’re screwing it up. Consider these helpful tips to see if you’re committing any Mr. Right faux pas.
Not being Mr.Right yourself
There’s something about the way love is portrayed in the media that leads us to believe that it’ll save us. It’ll pull us from depression, restore our faith in humanity, take us on wild and crazy adventures. Basically, all we’ve ever dreamed will happen; we just need to sit back and wait for it to come. That’s bullshit. Get up off your ass and live life. Learn the piano, take community classes on topics that either interest you or you’d never have tried in a million years, find a job you actually enjoy, just do something new. Turn yourself into the kind of person other guys would clamor for, the guy you yourself would love to spend eternity with. Somewhere in that pile of clamoring men is the pick of the litter, and you’ll get to choose him yourself. But you’ll never get that chance if you keep sitting around like a lump, waiting for awesome things to happen to you while you eat Cheetos and watch reruns of Friends.
Trying to be Something You’re Not
There’s nothing more annoying than a fake or more pathetic than someone trying hard to not be themselves. Attractiveness comes in all sorts of packages, not just the ones you see in Abercrombie & Fitch ads. If you’re in your 50s and your hair is graying, stop trying to achieve the twink look. Instead, go for silver fox status. Silver foxes are freaking hot. Own it. If you’re a bear, wear clothes that are attractive to your body, not ball-crushing skinny jeans that do nothing for your physique. If you’re a big ol’ goof, stop pretending you’ve read Kant. Basically, just be you. Instead of focusing on your flaws or an unachievable standard, work toward highlighting your best features, be they physical or part of your personality. Once those shine through, people who love those qualities best will flock to you. Because, after all, you want someone who will love you for you. That’s ultimately who Mr.Right is supposed to be, right?
Not Knowing What the Hell You Want
How are you going to find him if you can’t figure out what makes you happy in a relationship? Ask yourself what you want in a guy. Make a pros and cons list if you have to. Do you want monogamy or polyamory? Somebody who makes you laugh, makes you think, or both? Somebody who takes you out of your comfort zone or will snuggle with you on the couch in your introverted lifestyle? Is it okay if he hates reading? If he loves documentaries? If he has a peanut allergy? Do you want to get married? Adopt children? Use a surrogate? Get a puppy? Go through everything you can think of. It’s not necessary (or probable) for your guy to match every single one of your desires, but knowing what you want will help you get out there and hunt for someone who comes as close as possible.
Not Seeing the Difference Between Mr.Right and Mr.Right Now
Ugh. Settling. Why do we do it? I swear, being single isn’t the worst in thing in the world. It gives you the opportunity to reflect upon yourself, to know who you really are independent of another person. (And if that idea scares you, all the more reason to go stag for a while.) Don’t latch onto someone because he’s convenient. Convenience rarely equals a good time outside of a quick roll in the hay. If that’s all you want, cool. But then boot him out of bed afterwards and get on with your hunt. Just remember: If you’re a monogamous person and with someone that doesn’t make you unhappy, how in the hell are you ever going to find the guy that will?
Not Seeing the Difference Between Mr.Right and Mr.Always Right
I don’t mean the obnoxious dude that can’t lose an argument, I mean the dude that’s just as imperfect as you are. Because let’s face it, you have your faults as much as anybody else. If you expect to find the perfect guy, it’s just not going to happen, dear. If you love Mexican food and he can’t handle anything spicy, just deal. He’s got so much else going for him that you’d be stupid to walk out on. Don’t be a diva. Recognize that he’s his own person, you have no right or authority to try and change him (which you’d never succeed in doing so anyway), and you two will likely have disagreements from time to time. When these happen, don’t throw up your hands and declare him Mr. Not Right. Instead, recognize that all relationships take work. Just like you shouldn’t expect the love of your life to fall in your lap, you shouldn’t expect the happily ever after to be easy breezy.