Dates can be difficult. There’s the anxiety, the giddiness, those really long, awkward silences as you frantically try to figure out the next cool thing to say.
And all the while, you wonder if you’re already falling for the guy. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s charming…what’s not to like? All you want to do is make sure you don’t screw up so bad that he never wants to see you again. But then there are bad dates. The guys that really make you wonder whether or not you should ever see them again. Not because they’re boring or don’t like the same television shows you do, but because they don’t quite work with your moral code. Sure his friends are racist…but the guy’s still cute, right? Wrong. Very, very wrong. Take a look at 5 gay dating red flags you really shouldn’t ignore. Not even when you really want the relationship to work.
He’s A Liar
Few people like a liar, and when you catch your guy in a lie, you need to think really hard about whether or not he’s worth keeping around. In a way, the smaller lies may be even more problematic than the larger ones. While being lied to about his job or HIV status is a serious betrayal, a series of ongoing small lies shows that the guy does this pretty much constantly. It’s going to make you incredibly paranoid to know you’re being lied to even about what he had for lunch. Who wants to question every word or claim that comes out of their partner’s mouth? That’s no way to have a relationship.
He’s Rude To Wait Staff
If you want to see a person’s true personality, check out how they treat people in the service industry. If he treats them like actual people, then he’s probably a good, empathetic guy. But if he acts as if they’re inferior to him, there’s a good chance your guy has an ego problem. And while some people may not be too flustered by this concern, keep in mind that it’s likely only a matter of time until his nit-pickiness and superiority complex will be turned toward you. You don’t want to be in a relationship where you feel you can never do anything right.
He Never Invites You To His Place
It can be understandable in the beginning, especially if he has rowdy roommates or is currently caring for a sick relative, but stay wary the longer this trend continues. If you’ve been dating for a month and you still haven’t seen the inside of his home—or worse, not even the outside—it’s time to get suspicious. He’s hiding a spouse, a lover, a hoarding problem, his sexual orientation… something’s not right. And you deserve to know what’s up.
He’s Cheated On An Ex
Okay, sure, he cheated on them, but he’s said he’d never do that to you. These claims are suspicious enough even if he admitted them to your face, but it’s even worse if you find out through a third party. Regardless of how you find it out, in the end it doesn’t matter. Because you need to know that you shouldn’t flatter yourself. You’re not magically so special that he won’t do it to you, too.
He Keeps Terrible Friends
And even worse, he protects them when their problematic behavior is called out. Racist jokes? Homophobic comments? Rants on why homeless individuals just need to try harder? You don’t deserve being in an environment that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. And since these are your new guy’s friends, you may end up in these environments fairly frequently. (Or get risked being left behind whenever your guy wants to pal around.) Plenty can be told about the friends a person keeps, so if his friends are a serious problem, remember that it doesn’t bode well for your guy’s personality. In the end, there’s only one reason he keeps them as friends: because he thinks that kind of behavior is okay. And do you really want to stay with a man who thinks that?
What gay dating red flags have you come across while in a relationship? Did you try to make the relationship work anyway? Let us know your experiences in the comments!