Relationships are all about compromise. If nobody ever gave a little slack or sacrifice when they were with another person, then the rates for breakups would be infinitely higher. Didn’t marry a millionaire? Fine. Wanted someone with brown eyes? Tough. Can’t understand why somebody would ever want a parrot for a pet? Whatever. There are many reasons why compromise can be understandable, but compromise is not the same as settling. Settling is when you’re giving up more than is fair, when you’re in a relationship that doesn’t actually make you happy. And we have below the top five reasons you should never settle in a relationship.
“Guys just check out other guys. It’s nature.”
Don’t use this excuse on your man. If he’s been seeing you for a few months now and still has all of his relationship app and website accounts, that’s a red flag that he’s not very committed to you. If he’s additionally still flirting with or checking out other men, especially while in your presence, he could very well also be a downright cheater. Don’t get us wrong, couples can check out other people together. But the long and short of it is when he checks another guy out, is it for his own benefit or is it an activity you’re invited to do with him? There’s a bonding experience and then there’s just being a jerk. You deserve someone who thinks you’re the world.
“Gay guys are just known for being drama queens…right?”
There are drama queens and then there are people who like to stir the pot. Look out for these guys. If he makes mountains out of molehills, goes out of his way to tell somebody that someone else said something bad about them, or otherwise has his world fall apart because he broke his favorite mug, you should probably ditch him. Why? Because he’s emotionally draining and anxiety provoking. You don’t need to deal with his problems if he’s the one that keeps starting them, and you especially shouldn’t be expected to clean up his messes while he leans back and watches you do so. Let him learn how to be a responsible adult and take life’s natural knocks.
“He’s just quick to anger.”
Everybody has moments of infuriation and everybody has the right to become mad in certain situations. However, the key thing to remember is how somebody deals with their anger once they have it. If he pretty much responds like an oversized infant instead of handling his rage in a healthy way (e.g. trying to figure out a solution, playing video games, going on a verbal tirade without screaming or putting you, as his listener, down), it’s a huge sign that you should get out of there. He’s basically a man-child who will remain stuck in a cycle of getting angry about his problems…and then angrier still when they don’t magically go away on their own. In a similar vein, also avoid the guy who seems to be constantly simmering. If he’s rude to wait staff, orders people around, and/or has a narcissistic personality, pass him by. You can do much better.
“He just has difficulty saying he’s sorry.”
Everybody makes mistakes in life. That’s not the issue here (Well, depending on the mistake and how much of it was indeed a “mistake”). What’s really important here is 1) does he acknowledge that he made a mistake, and 2) does he actually apologize to you for it? Somebody who has difficulty saying they’re sorry indeed means they, well, have difficulty saying they’re sorry. But that’s not because they weren’t raised to learn how to say it. Rather, it’s because he doesn’t actually think he needs to apologize. He thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong or, worse yet, knows he has but feels you’re not important enough for an apology. If your guy messes up and never directly apologizes, get rid of him. The long and short of the matter is he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t see you as his equal.
“He doesn’t mean it when he hits me / says mean things.”
Nope, nope, nope. And how about a nope? Abusers—physically, verbally, psychologically, or otherwise—deserve no slack. If he’s striking you, putting you down, manipulating you into having sex with him, or plays mind games, you need to toss him aside as fast (and as safely) as possible. Your very well-being is at risk here, which is going to drain every healthy aspect of you as a person. Breaking it off with him can be scary and potentially life-threatening, but with a good network of friends (and probably a restraining order), you can start to become whole again.