Today kiddies, we will be learning together some tips and tricks for getting the most out of online and telephone dating systems. After consulting with my super team of experts, I have some very useful handy-dandy notes for you.
What makes someone an expert in telephone and internet dating you ask? Simple. They have a great romantic life. DUH.
What did you think? A PhD from Hardline U?
Hmmm… that’s not a bad idea actually. If I could teach the world about great relationships, what a wonderful world this would be. Of course I’m just slogging around in the sodden, sappy, sullen and sultry world of love just like the rest of you. But, assembling a team of successful love-bunnies and gathering ideas seems to be the best way to get sound and sage advice on getting the most out of your personal ads and how to understand what people are saying ‘between the lines’ too.
Never say “hi” or ask “how are you?”
It is best just to comment on something they said in the ad. For example if they mention skiing you could comment on the lack of snow and ask what have they been doing for winter fun instead.
If they are tall you could ask “how’s the weather up there?”
NO, don’t EVER do that! I’m just kidding. A clichéd comment like that will get you ignored faster than a politician fails to make good on his promises after he’s elected!
Avoid clichés at all costs. If you’ve heard a comment once or twice so have they more than likely and you want to stand out, not blend in.
If you are recording an ad, it is imperative that people can hear your voice! Mumbling and stumbling through a conversation might be adorable for Hugh Grant but that only works in the movies when you have a great writer penning your charming bumbling. Now since all you have is you for creative writing, be clear! People want to hear what you have to say and a voice can tell you a lot about a person. Confidence is far more attractive than almost any other feature that people look for in a romantic partner.
And for the written ads online, use your spellcheck! Believe it or not bad spelling and grammar can be very off-putting. Come on, we are on the World Wide Web here! You have every resource at your fingertips. You don’t want to send the message that “I’m too lazy to use spellcheck”
Not everyone is Chris Rock or Sarah Silverman
You don’t have to be hilarious. If you can’t think of anything witty to say, sometimes just your honesty about not being funny makes you funny in itself. “Hey I’m no Chris Rock but I’d sure love to make you laugh, just to see your eyes light up!”
THROB! That would make my heart melt for sure.
Keeping it real.
Please don’t make up stuff about you that you wish were true. Everyone has something interesting to share. Even the fact that you’ve had a completely unremarkable life would be interesting. You could say you are probably the luckiest person in the world because life has been smooth sailing!
I think most of us would love to travel with a smooth sailor!
Hope this helps. Good luck in luck and love!
Remember to ask our resident love and relationship expert for any guidance you might need with life’s little and big problems.