Conversing keenly | Hardline Chat Blog

Conversing keenly

Posted by | January 17, 2017 | Dating, Lifestyle | No Comments

Like is the art of conversation like dead?

 

Dating can be exciting, challenging, amazing and yes, terribly stressful all at the same time. There are many factors that you can control though, that can take a bit of the pressure off you in terms of confidence. One thing that is often overlooked and rarely nurtured in today’s culture is the art of conversation. It seems to me that our grasp of the English language has certainly slipped over the last 20 years or so. People use double negatives and filler words like “basically” and “like” and “nome sane” so often that it’s akin to a hunt for buried treasure to find out what they are actually saying. So no, I actually don’t know what you are saying!

Social skills like wit, charm and eloquence seem to be severely lacking in our culture and yet these are things that not only does every human respond positively to but are also skills we can improve.

Once these skills do improve, our life improves through our self-confidence, communication and how we are received and perceived by others.

Sounds great doesn’t it?

Even when you are searching a chat line for local singles, these skills are very beneficial. You can catch the attention of many potential date mates using a little more finesse on your speaking skills, charm and wit.

A little boning up on your English skills can be both fun and beneficial. When writing there are apps like Grammarly that are great for helping you stay on track and here’s a few tips and tricks for getting in the groove to improve.

See what I just did? Rhyme time. It’s a lot of fun to imagine that you are a cool rapper or a poet who knows it.  Try rhyming your conversation. It’s rockin’ the nation. It’s a real fascination.  I know you can do it, just set your mind to it. It’s really a lot of fun and with skill you can never be done! You could go on and on, rhyming words ‘til the break of dawn!

Read more! Reading is awesome. Sadly we are not in the age of books, but texting and email and blogs are huge. Humans love words and communication; we just have advanced in our methods of writing and receiving words. The more you read the more your vocabulary will expand. Try reading some authors who were famous for their art of writing fascinating and with conversations. Like Jane Austen, magnificent writer for wit, charm and the art of being snide and sarcastic without actually being snide and sarcastic.  One example which makes me laugh every time I read it is in Pride and Prejudice.  Mr. Wickham, a suitor of Elizabeth Bennett’s is having his ear talked off by Miss Bennett’s distant cousin and also suitor; Mr. Collins.    Finally he is distracted away from the pair by Elizabeth’s sister Mary. This is the exchange that follows:

Wickham; “your cousin’s conversation is….er very wholesome”

Elizabeth; “and there’s plenty to be had of it, I assure you”

I adore Jane Austen for her skill at making characters come to life with her adept ability to create conversations.  Bear in mind they are written in a time period when casual sex or even touching bare skin while dancing just did not happen. All they had was conversation, so it was creative and beautiful.

 

Eliminate extra words that have no purpose in furthering your conversation. In other words; be concise. Ha, there did you notice what I did? I made an example of not being concise by using eleven words to explain the word concise! Clever huh? This is just the kind of thing that both improves your grasp of the language and helps you communicate better.  Don’t say “like” every other word.  Unless you are actually using a simile as in “her skin is like a rose petal” or if you are saying; “would you like more wine”, the word like has no business in your speech.

Less is more and try to use fewer words that have more importance to your point and less filler such as ‘like’ and ‘basically’.

Listen! Listening can improve your attractiveness tenfold or more even. Being a good listener and not only seeming interested but really being interested in what the other person has to say can not only make you more attractive but it can actually make you learn something. Be patient. Everyone is on a different path and perhaps not everyone is ready to learn how to improve their communication skills but everyone has a story to tell. It is worth a little patience to sift through and find the gold nugget buried in every conversation.

Try to not correct people. This is my big vice. I have a very hard time not correcting people. I do try however to slip the corrected version of what they said incorrectly into my conversation, discreetly, a little further along. Hopefully I don’t grate on too many nerves that way.

Learn the subtle art of gracefully changing the conversation. If comeone is really droning on or is talking about something that really bothers you, try to say something like; “that reminds me of a funny story. Do you mind if I tell you about it”? or words to that effect. Being a good listener doesn’t necessarily mean you have to suffer in silence through a long painful story about how they found Jesus or murdered a deer in a family hunting party. No one has to listen to that!

Lastly; don’t swear! I often say that I prefer the “f” word as a verb. Meaning unless I am actually doing it, I don’t say it. It makes one appear crass and uneducated. Remember we are going for wit and charm, not fear and discrimination. You deserve to be heard. I know you have a lot to say and you deserve to say it as eloquently and beautifully as it feels in your head when you thought of it.

Happy dating, happy relationships and happy life all start with good communication.

Peace. Love. Vegan

About David Mann


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