‘The difference between like, love and in love, is the same difference between; for now, for a while and forever”
Ah the multi-faceted, many headed monster we call love. There are so many ways to feel and so few clues to help us understand that heady, light-headed, heart-pounding feeling we get when we are with that certain someone. Often we get feelings for people we really don’t know at all. For example; teachers, bosses, celebrities, people who we see in a certain way and often our feelings are our own projections as to who and what they are. We fantasize relationships, have whole conversations in our heads, but when we actually meet the real person and see them for who they are, they are rarely anything like we thought. Other times we see someone every day and develop a crush on them, which really is, well a crushing feeling. Just what is the difference between love, infatuation and a crush?
‘Early in the morning I can’t sleep
I can’t work and I can’t eat
I’ve been drunk all day, can’t concentrate
Maybe I’m making a big mistake
Caught me down like a killer shark
It’s like a railroad running right through my heart
Jekyll and Hyde the way I behave
Feel like I’m running on an empty gauge
Oh no not again
It hurts so good
I don’t understand
Sounds familiar? Well that’s infatuation….at least according to Rod Stewart. Though it does seem pretty accurate to those of us who have felt it.
Infatuation is the state of being completely lost in the emotion of unreasoning desire. It can be very painful and more often than not never ends in a very satisfying relationship. It is often based on an unreasonable or unrealistic idea of the object of your infatuation. An infatuation can build up over a long period of time and can be maintained, with little to no actual romantic interaction between you. There are even extreme cases of people becoming violent toward the object of their infatuation after confessing their feelings to them and finding out lo and behold that the object is totally oblivious to those feelings and worse, doesn’t return them. Infatuation is generally an unhealthy type of love and one that should be avoided. If you feel yourself attracted to someone, for goodness sake, ask them out! Don’t let fear get the better of you and turn a healthy attraction into a dangerous obsession. If the person isn’t available, then let it go. There is just no sense in harboring feelings for someone that simply cannot or will not return them. Thankfully most people will let go of an infatuation once they actually got to know the person.
A crush is a much milder form of infatuation. It’s like a crash crush It is often something we can easily admit to, it is more playful and can be quite fun to have some crushes on people we admire here and there. As long s we don’t let it fester. There can be non-sexual crushes we feel for our heroes and people we admire, often it is of very short duration.
“I miss the old days where if you liked someone, all you had to do was chase them around the playground.”
Yeah love can sure be complicated. I see so many of my friends get caught up in confusion over their feelings. Whether what you feel is infatuation, a crush or true love, the best thing you can do is enjoy while it makes you feel good and know when to let it go when it is tearing you up. Life is just too short to cause yourself misery. And you, my kiddies deserve all the love in the world!